Grattitude

Another day older, another birthday come by.  The same thing today is as it was before, yet...  I remember back when I was not yet who I am now.  And I wonder how far I've come.  I also wonder how many people I have to thank for that.

I remember Green Tree and the culture there.  How important every little detail was, and if you ever missed something, you were called out, at the next weekly meeting in front of everybody... and you *never. missed it. again.*  I remember how hard it was to work there with the one surgery tech that made life just miserable, and my feeling like it was penance for giving up my dream and backing down from St Kitts.  I remember the job, and going at full blast for 9 hours and loving it, and just one word from the boss lady doc made the whole day worth doing again the next day.  Hell, one word from the boss lady, and my night was made. 
That boss lady introduced me to one of my best friends when she didn't even know me more than 3 weeks.  She taught me what professionalism was, true leadership, how to motivate your support staff, and how to run a good business.  I am certain that woman does not like me, and did not when I knew her, yet despite that, despite my accidentally eating her lunch TWICE, she, and that place, taught me things I did not, could not, learn elsewhere.  I really do think she wanted me to succeed, despite all that.

How much did I grow during that time?  How much did I learn that I cannot quantify?  Conversely, how much do I teach it?  Of everything I have learned, how much of it do I live?  How much am I a good friend, teacher, wife, owner?  Does that good outweigh when I am not?  It is clear that I learn, that I wish to learn.  Does that learning or that willingness to learn indicate a willingness to change or grow from those bad experiences?  Am I going to succeed?  How many people are currently pulling for me that I am unaware of?

A patient comes in dying of something or another.  It is critical enough to involve the whole staff at some point.  And it is always the sweetest one, always the cutest, most pathetic, lovey-est of all critters that comes in.  And it is so heartbreaking to see them slowly decline, and finally slip away.  It affects the whole clinic; everybody from reception to kennels is miserable for a day or more.  Yet it is such a celebration when they really get better, and everyone sees them recover or better yet, sees them come back perfectly healthy for something routine.  Everyone loves to see them, and that little guy thinks everyone there came in just to see him.  And we did. 

Two techs, friends both, that I trained at the AER are into state vet schools this coming term.  When I found out, and I was one of the first to know, I went all around campus telling everyone how it was all my fault and how proud I was of them.  I know it was not all my fault, or even remotely my fault, but I like to celebrate.

You really have no idea how many people are pulling for you to succeed. 

You cannot give up now.  You cannot give in.  You must try again, you must find a way through.  If I cannot help you in any other way, I will be your own personal cheering section, and drill sergeant.  If I ever had that for myself, and I did at some point, I will be that for my fabulous yellow roman candles, my students, my husband, and my animals. 

I have a whole slew of students at school this next term.  Many are my friends.  Most are my classmates.  And I want them to succeed.  Partially because I want validation that I can teach well, and partially because I believe that people who seek help should get it and do well by it, but I want to see it happen. 

I wonder how far I have come, and how far I will go.  And I wonder how many people are pulling to see it happen.  Happy Birthday to me.